Simply be

There are problems in my life that I have sought to solve

I think I may have done it, but the problems later always seem to unfold

There are people like bad pennies, which always come back to me

Whenever I’ve learned to relax or simply be just me

This site it doesn’t help too much, especially when they spy

But I hope they’ll just forget me and close their blinded eyes

I want to be left alone, to find what I need to find

A newer lease of life, with people of my own kind

So if you did forget me dear and this post has reminded you of me

Please do not contact me, just let me simply be

Nothing you can say will solve mums aching heart

Because every time you reel me in, I again, want to depart

So no amount of chasing, guilt trips or words will send me back to you

Because the life I had to live, you still don’t have a clue

You support a trickster, who does things behind your back

I am waiting for the day when she turns on you and then you’ll see her cracks

That day isn’t long to go, for she’s running out of people

And hopefully I won’t be around to see another sequel

 

This poem is based on the current events of my life.  The main reason why I haven’t bothered with this blog is because this site is linked to people who I am related to and this sort of reminds them of my existence and I get grief from them.  I will not spend a lot of money on a new site and name, this blog isn’t and was never free for me I’ve paid to have a lot of the mod cons and I am in no position to waste money nor spend it again on another blog – so these people will simply have to live with this site or delete it from their emails.

I’ve already decided not to talk about my life on this blog, so what more can I do?  Why they are so jealous of the fact that I want to make something of myself is beyond me – because I was always of the mind-set that my successes are the those of my family too – but now they are just my successes as I’ve decided they’re undeserving as they have never supported me in what I wanted to do, only what they’ve wanted me to do.  They must be, because let’s face it, why else would they cause me grief making me so depressed I don’t even eat anymore or do anything, losing the zeal of my life – they know this, every time they say something bad to me I just freeze up in every sense of my life.  That’s why I can’t be around those people.

They sit back and wonder why I never did much when I’ve suffered a lifetime of depression, every time I get zeal for something I go about it originally nervously – because I know once anyone in that family of mine knows I’ve got the zing for life they will do everything in their power to A – make me feel guilty about it or B make my life such hell again that I freeze up again.  They do this deliberately, I’m not stupid, and I’ve always seen their game.

They know I am or were easily played like a Queen piece in a chess game and they knew this it’s common knowledge.

I am going to try and restart this blog how it was intended to be used, I miss it and I miss my zeal for life – my mum and my brother always felt that I’ve never been ambitious and that’s because I’ve never been allowed to be by mum; any indication that I was making plans or going somewhere were stamped on ferociously by her and I am not going to allow this again – even if I have to change my name entirely by deed poll, move house, immigrate and save up for another six months to get another blog, I will do it, so let that be a warning to you to back off.  Because once you start up again, there will be no way on this Earth anyone will find me again, believe me, I am sick of the bad pennies coming back all the time!

So keep away, if you genuinely care that much about me, you’d heed my warning in fact, you’d have heeded it months ago but you didn’t then and I don’t expect you to again, you can’t help yourselves.

 

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