Category Archives: Brain Drain & Dribbles

General updates on what my brain is up to and thinking and feeling etc…

A word to hexers, haters and jealous people in general

A word to hexers, haters and jealous people in general

I am starting to take up art again, this time with an idea to try and make a living from it in a few months’ time, by then I would have developed friends in art and a little more self confidence in my painting work. 

I am still sick, that is something that will never change, in fact recently I have been told it could get much worse, but I am trying hard to pull through and make some kind of a life for myself despite all of the bad mojo trying to pull me down every once in a while, you would think it would have something better to do than to concentrate on picking on me, but never mind, they love me so much they just can’t stop thinking about me, which in a dark and psychotic way is kind of nice of them to think so much of me, I don’t think anyone else does to be honest, which makes them my greatest lover I suppose?

Yes, recently I have started to believe I am cursed, but then what do you expect from someone who is both spiritual and a lover of horror movies?  I’ve had such a long lasting run of bad luck with my health and personal life that I had to eventually come to the conclusion I have pissed off one too many witches during my life, for simply existing.  Lol

Anyway on a more serious note, it is true; I do believe the above statement. 

Despite this, I have to admire them for wanting to be involved in my life so much.  Hate can be as deep as love and just as obsessive.  In a strange kind of way, hate and love are the same thing, as you spend so much time thinking about the things you hate, like you do with special person you actually love, you give it the same attention, sometimes you even neglect the ones you actually love in favour of spending your time thinking more of the ones you hate.  It’s a strange kind of world when you think about it.

So when all is said and done, I am quite flattered of the attention I am getting, no matter how abysmal it makes my life.  I sort of feel sorry for the person who hates me to such a degree, because although I do not believe in karma, I do believe that you always reap what you sow and I believe in the sins of the father, despite not being a religious person personally.  So in a manner, it is not me they are cursing, but their own children; which is painfully sad for me, to think about.

Despite these setbacks, I will try, no matter how much I cry in pain each day with my ailments, as I do cry – so do please, enjoy that statement dear haters as I am sure you will, I will try and get along in my life and make the best I can of the cards you are dealing for me.  With a glad and happy heart, I will drag myself through the Hell you are creating for me and I will revel in any successes I may have in the future, whilst you are still sitting back on your posteriors, wishing that you had a taste of my supposed glorious life still.  Well by all means, you are welcomed to having a full three course meal of my life, if you so wish for it, you are welcomed to it and I really do hope that you choke on it.


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The Mysterious Toothpicks

There has been a great mystery stirring in my house in the last few days. Several toothpicks have been discovered on the floor by my desk in the living room and on the bookshelves in my bedroom and over the floor. The number of available toothpicks has been decimated each time I observe their little jars; one jar resides in the living room at my desk, the other in the bedroom on the lower middle bookshelf and the third in the bathroom up high above the medicine cabinet. The bathroom toothpicks are unaffected in this mystery.
I have come to the conclusion since my husband and child’s denial on the matter, that the culprit must be tiny human beings approximately an inch tall that currently have a wartime emergency and are using the toothpicks to become phalanx mercenaries in some sort of odd tribal warfare.
That is a sensible conclusion, given the evidence.

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Birds and Gothic

I have signed up for the RSPB bird identification survey, it’s meant to be done this weekend but yesterday I forgot and today the world outside seems devoid of birdlife except for one pigeon that’s sitting on the spinney.
We bought a bird feeder yesterday and hung it in our lilac bush in the front garden because the most comfortable place to watch birdlife from our house is the living room. Despite the berry bushes we have in the back garden, berberis, blackberry, hawthorn and holly. Thing is, the dining room is in my opinion the most dismal, cold and uncomfortable room in the house and it’s always dark!
We get all day sun in the living room and the front bedrooms, so cooking in the kitchen and being in the dining room is usually best avoided by me. Which is quite funny when you look at it from my past perspective – as a teenager I was nicknamed the vampire as I would literally shut myself away on a sunny day and dress in black! Now here I am nearly 35 and I am chasing the sun!
Talking of vampires, I am absolutely in love with Damon Salvatore’s eyes. If you don’t know who Damon Salvatore is, he is a vampire character from a television series called ‘The Vampire Diaries’, a program of which I have been trying to watch back to back since November.
Though I am no longer seriously gothic, I still have a passion for vampires. I love vampires, vampires are my life – I love reading about them, learning about the mythology, watching movies or programs with them in it – I love gothic art, especially by artists such as Anne Stokes and I buy anything I can that is gothic. I do not like skulls or skeletons though, or anything depicting eyeballs, unless of course it’s the lucky protective charm of the evil eye or the eye of Horus, because they protect you from evil.
Anyway, getting back to the birds – I suppose I will have to do this survey tomorrow, the birds don’t seem active. I’ve been sitting around since 1pm looking for them, it’s cloudy, dark, rainy, and misty, with signs of fog – I don’t think they’re interested in the rosehips and seeds in the front garden today. We have a lot of seeds in the garden, natural ones – like nigella and aquilegias, whether they eat those or not, I haven’t a clue, but we have some shop bought seeds for them in a feeder.

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New Category & A Stand!

I used to have several accounts on a website known as but I hadn’t been on that site for a long time, I wanted to go back to it this week and update it like I used to – I used to update the sites with general rubbish just to help me get things out of my brain, but also inform friends on my current mood and thoughts – particularly thoughts on current affairs and creatively playing with my own mind.

Alas, it seems no longer exists, so I feel I have to find some other way in sharing those random thought processes. 

I tried to open a new account today on a website I never been to before called Live Journal, but I personally don’t think it’s for me.  So I think I will update anything I want to from this site.

If anyone has a problem with what I know to be true, get over it.  I state only facts in this blog when talking about my past, I have no reason to lie about anything that has happened to me and I will no longer be forced to feel ashamed to tell the world what I deem to be true!

The last paragraph is aimed at various relatives and friends of the family, because some people are upset that I have been honest about my upbringing, to the extent they have called me a liar and have threatened to take me to court for defamation.  Well they can try, I have spoken to a friend of mine recently who is a lawyer and they said that if I had evidence through social services of what went on as a child, the case would be thrown out of court in my favour.

So therefore, I no longer have anything to fear, as my parents very nearly lost me to social services when I was 12.

I want to be able to talk about anything I want in this blog, but obviously the main subject of the blog is creative fantasy, poems, stories, reviews, this is why I have created another category called Brain Drain and Dribble, so you know that this is purely what’s going on in my mind right now – it will contain flashbacks, memories, rants about current affairs, anything… this is in an effort to keep my blog active during blocks of time where I am not posting creative stuff.

Sit back and enjoy, this category will be dramatic and touch on sensitive subjects at times.


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