Tag Archives: abuse

The beast of vengeance is hungry

There is a tempest building within my heart

A contempt that’s deep and true

As I keep remembering the hurt and pain caused by you

I sit and bitterly design a way for me to forget

That I ever set eyes and knew you, but vengeance is whet

I try to be a better person, not to become like you at all

But it is hard when you cut me deep and your lies are so cruel

I don’t want more pain as payment for mine

But the more you hurt me, the more my inner beast wishes to dine

Upon your heart, upon your soul, upon everything about you, gobble you whole

It drives me mad, I am insane, but then again, that was always your game

You meant to do this to me, I know

I don’t know why it was here, you wanted me to go

What was your plan for me all those years ago?

Was it really so bad to be a good soul?

You have driven me mad and to tears, a suffering that will last for many more years

But you are relentless, you won’t let go

All I want, is for them to know

But they think I lie and the truth they will never know

Because you will always make it so

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Filed under Poems S - U

Like a spider to a fly, they will know your lie

Silence is no longer for me

I will talk and I will say the truth

I will tell people all about you

Whether you like it or not, about my youth

You can’t always hide from facts

You can’t always lie

One day it will catch you up

Like a spider to a fly

One day you will get slower in mind

One day you will slip up

One day people will hear the truth

Because one day you will fuck up

And I won’t be there when this happens to you

I abandoned you long ago

So be careful of the seeds you sow because you will never know

Which path they will take you, fast or slow

For the truth to be revealed

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Filed under Poems J - L

Fragile heart of a butterfly

I was like a caterpillar hiding from the world

Because of you

I wrapped myself up tightly in a cocoon

Because of you

But since I left you I grew strong

Crept out of my cocoon and sang this song

Keep away and never come back, because I will die if you touch me again

Fragile wings and a fragile mind

I will keep only those who will love me and those who are kind

Keep away and never come back, because I will die if you touch me again

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Filed under Poems D - F

You are not going to blow my dreams away

I’m not going to be what you want me to be anymore

I never was that person

The person who’d never go out and was a bore

I am not going to live the life that you always wanted me to

Not anymore

I am going to be me and do whatever I want to do

I am going to have a full and happy life

A life and person of which you wouldn’t let me become or do

You are out of my life right now and that way you will stay

Because I don’t want you to come back and blow all my dreams away

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Filed under Poems V - Z

Your fiery glove

As I build bridges of friendships and love, you come burning them down again with one fair swoop of your fiery glove.

I tried so hard to make family and friends, but you crashed down the walls and I couldn’t mend them.

You destroyed so much and I grew tired and ill, this is why you are not in my life still.

I need other people not just you.

You think I’m an introvert, you haven’t a clue.

You are the introvert, I socialise fine.

I don’t judge others, I am benign.

I tried so hard not to throw you away, because I am a people person, not like you in anyway.

However a time came when you drove me mad, I had to leave you and though it is sad, I am glad.

Because the poison you seep into my relationships are gone.

As you burned down my bridges I learned to swim across the pond.

Now I have not much family, but I am starting to gain friends and comradery.

It is wonderful, but you don’t see.

You only think that I have wounded thee.

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Filed under Poems V - Z

Falling into the jigsaw of life

I am going to fall off the edge of the world and I will not scream out your name.

I will not give you that attention, you are so very vain!

I am falling for me, because as I fall I am free

As I get to ignore you and your ways

As I keep falling into place

My fall is part of the jigsaw of life

I ignore you and your drama and strife

Because I have to take care of me

Because I can and you will see!

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Filed under Poems D - F

Words and people grow like flowers in manure.

I am disgusted with myself today but my partner Paul ensures me that it isn’t my fault.  I worked out last night how much I used to write compared with how much I write these days.  Prior to 2013 I wrote an average of two million words per year, now I struggle to get fifty thousand a year.  I decided this has to change and I have to get the old me back, primarily because I am going insane with the many ideas I have floating in my head – my brain is literally about to burst with literacy.  My brain will soon be splattered all over the internet and in books, so look out world, because I think I’ve been ignited.

The question is, the last time I felt like this was in 2006 and I wrote no less than thirty articles, poems and short stories a day on one site, of course I can’t post that many here on my blog, as this will make me lose subscribers, I mean, come on – who will want thirty notifications a day?  So I am debating about spreading myself onto two other blogs, so my subscribers don’t feel so bombarded – a cunning trick, but it might be worthwhile?  Because once I am on the go, I am on the go – I used to be such a workaholic, totally addicted to writing and then for some reason, I lost it.

I believe confidence has a lot to do with the lack of writing as well as health issues – I have had chronic bronchitis off and on since Christmas!  My confidence has been bashed by two people in particular, those people are held bent on ruining my reputation by any means necessary and has vocalised how they look forward to the day I become world famous, as they will be waiting.

Well there is nothing truly sinister about me but I still worry.  Because it is the story of my life that whenever I do anything to better myself the world seems to contrive a way to embarrass me out of it and make me go back into my insular hole of hopes and dreams.

I have been chronically bullied as I have been ill, most of my life and I have the types of bullies in my life who are no longer present, but always comes back once they think I have started to grow, they treat me like a weed in an abandoned garden.  Once a year someone comes along with a mower and cuts me down again, just in case I start to become too strong.  I think this weed is going to need to use their shit as manure and grow rapidly into a man eating plant!

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Filed under About my work

Painkiller for my very soul

I am not wallowing in pity each and everyday

My poems of woes and misery are things that ease the way

It’s a painkiller for my very soul

I need to write, even if it’s dull

It helps to cure the pain

When I write my songs of misery, it may seem like it’s about you

But it is about events that happened long ago, it’s true

You should not sit there thinking, this is one is about me I’m sure

Because then you only open up wounds and make your heart go sore

You don’t know what my poems mean; you don’t know who they are about

So don’t sit there thinking you know what’s going on, when in fact you don’t know my clout

The world in my poems isn’t about you, so stay out

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Filed under Poems P - R

A freedom not suicide poem

You deny me of health

You deny me of wealth

You deny me of friendship and love and games

You deny me of faith, you deny me of hope

You deny me of living and you drive me insane

That’s why I left you

That’s why I am gone

That’s why you won’t see me from hereon

That’s why I rant and that’s why I rave

You denied me of life, the things that I craved

So now I have gone, I will piece things together

I will find my hope, faith, love and more

I will carry on, night and day

And I don’t care if your heart is so sore

For I am through with living for you and I live for you no more!

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Filed under Poems A - C

I’m not your nurse and carer

You couldn’t keep me locked up forever and a day

Until you are old and frail, until you were old and grey

Then send me out into the world as your own born and raised saviour

And expect me not to love life and savour the sweet taste of life

You couldn’t expect to do that without trouble and strife

You couldn’t keep me shut away in the house each and everyday

Then tell me that there’s no time to play, that life will just get in the way of caring for the old you

You couldn’t do that, so that’s why I left you

I am not your personal handmaiden, born for your every whim

I am not your nurse and carer; I am not your cloned twin

I am my own person, though I’m your family and your kin

If you didn’t treat me that way, you might have kept me and wouldn’t have lived in yin

You are clouded in darkness because of your troublesome ways

It didn’t need to be so, if you let people grow and go their own ways

You did this to yourself, though it hurts me always

But now my life begins…

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Filed under Poems G - I