Locked in cold stone walls
Shut away and forgotten
Forbidden to live a life
By those who are mean and rotten
Lied about by your torturer
Hissed at by their friends
A mystery to others
Yet no one helps you mend
People accuse you of being the trouble
People accuse you of being bad
Yet nobody knows that the woman they love
Is evil and nasty and mad
Some have seen the truth, a glimpse
But unsure, they look on
And eventually I run away again
And hope that I can belong
But away I went and then there was more
Trouble and lies and hate
But the people who witness the things going on
Think it is I who has caused this fate
They won’t be told that someone they like
Have two sides to their personality
Instead they decide to add to my torment
Thinking they are defending their mother, naturally
But they don’t remember I am not the only one
She has kept in the dark and cold
I am one of three and she hates two
But the oldest one, he never knew
He won’t accept the truth
My father is lovely and it pains me to say
I might never get to see him again
Because she rules him, and he won’t come
To visit me and his grandson
Because she lies to all around, that she gives him a choice to come around
But she doesn’t you see, the truth is this
She would rant and she would spit
If he came knocking at my door
So until she dies, I’ll see him no more
Tag Archives: brother
Locked in cold stone walls
Where I go, I feel everything
Where I’ll stay, no one knows
How true is love and miracles?
When there’s no place to go?
I need my friends
I need an end
I need hope
I need forever loving
Don’t lead me astray
Just lead me to a place
Where dreams can come true
I need this, I need you
© Tina Cousins 2013
The above was written just a few moments ago, I am going through a very dark few months. My family has had a lot of bad luck and a lot of skeletons in closets are starting to fall out, it’s destroying the extensive family and it’s literally killing the younger members of the family.
A fortnight ago I lost my cousin, she was only thirty years old and she had four kids. My brother was very close to her; in fact they lived next door to each other and shared dinners regularly as he was supporting her as a single mother, despite having his own family to care for too. I heard news that my brothers depression has got far worse that he attempted suicide last night, thankfully he was unsuccessful but up until two hours ago he was unable to breath independently, unfortunately we live too far apart that I couldn’t be with him and I only got the news an hour ago. The machines were turned off and he is now breathing without assistance, which is a blessing.
I have also been diagnosed with manic depression a few months ago as well, so my mood goes up and down like a yo-yo and I have been told that it could be the depression which has caused a lot of my long-term illnesses to get worse and I am in a vicious cycle of poor health and depression feeding off each other, if you understand me?
It’s a big blow to me because up until an hour ago I was feeling really happy and I thought I was getting over my depression as I’ve been on a BIG high because of this blog and because I was treated to a new wardrobe of clothes last month and I started to do myself up again, taking an interest in my appearance again, which has been non-existent for a year now.
Needless to say I’ve been in tears, but I have got to a point in my life I talk endlessly about things as my coping mechanism, I am not one to mope around in silence. I’ve done that for years, it made things worse; weird enough talking about things so openly is better therapy for me.
I have no idea what the ditty was I wrote above, I don’t know if it’s a poem or a song or a litany and it literally came from nowhere. This happens at times, it’s like I go into a trance and write poems and I have no idea what I’ve written until it’s finished.
Sometimes I get my best work doing that. Well anyway, song or poem, I hoped you liked it.