I have chosen to die
I have chosen to grow
I have chosen to be someone you don’t know
Someone that was hidden
Far from view
Someone who knows you, but you don’t know who
I am now new
Though I am almost old
I was someone who did as they were told
Now I am fresh and I am now wise
I have changed totally in everyone’s eyes
But I am not changed because of who I am with
I am changed because I feel less stiff
I feel more free
To be more me
Not someone that you wanted me to be
I am not Tina, I am not there
I am someone else, someone you can’t scare
Tina is dead
Long live me
Tina is gone
Now I live free
copyright Tina Cousins FantasyFed 2016
The cloud rises, twists and twirls around the forbidden mortal world
Hues of blue and grey and white forbids the passage to their sight
Unseen we are the hidden ones, forbidden to enter, forbidden to come
No one knows we are here, their cries of sadness we often hear
Forbidden to answer their prayers and cries
Forbidden to help them, unless they die
We cannot go to take their pain, we can only watch and hear in vain
We cannot cross through their gate
We can only watch their terrible fate
We are the gods they pray will come
But it’s not our world, it is not our sun
We cannot control what goes on there
Only guide them to the heavenly stair
We are forbidden to touch and be, where the mortals live and breath
We are the watchers of their endless plight
The protectors of eternal light
We are your warriors we are your knights
We tuck you into dreamtime at night
We are not evil, we are not cruel
It is not our place to rule mortals
We aren’t heartless, we aren’t depraved
We are there and ready to save
You are mortals and we are not
We are the ones that you’ve forgot
We are tender and we are true
And we’ll always be there for you
But we cannot enter through the mortal gate
We can only watch your fate
And lend a hand to the path of death
At the time of your last breath
So carefully we will take your hand
And take you to our immortal lands
Where life has set you free to be
Another watcher like me
Blood stained clothing I wear for eternity; blood of my victims churn inside of me:
The hungers that exist and cannot hide form me.
I wish there was something better than this.
A monster I am that prowls the night in search of a victim who I can kill with a bite; to drain them of life and – of their blood supply so my thirst can quench for just another night.
Blood stained my clothing of a thousand years.
A dead creature is I, in my heart and in my mind.
For I forget the feelings of mercy and the feelings of woe, but now I have killed so much-those are things I have forgotten to know!
No longer human in heart or mind, a creature of the dark who is cruel and emotionally blind.
I kill with great ease my human meals and dine on their life’s blood from their neck with their squeals!
Their bodies flop down as I take them away from this world they have begun to know; and fill their loved ones with a gallon of woe.
Each night and when my meal is done, I go off back to my grave and sleep so numb.
Till the dusk has arrived then I come out to play, to take another human away.
Stephen King’s Gerald’s Game
Gerald’s Game was an inspirational to me because I am active in the TPE BDSM lifestyle. I understand fully that Gerald and Jessie were not in the lifestyle and were just occasional kinky players, but this was a good read for me nonetheless. It was very descriptive, creepy and despite the main protagonist being tied up most of the time and being trapped with a rotting corpse; a lot went on in the story, particularly in the woman’s head.
Some people will view this story as a lot of senseless ramblings from a hysterical and half-delirious woman in a traumatic situation, but for me the novel was more than that. It was a great effort by King that showed that even in the toughest of times, people pull through it by trying to take their minds off the situation or to find humor in the terrifying situations that they are in – this was excellently portrayed in this book.
This is why Gerald’s Game is in my inspiration corner.
There were a few poems I wrote once and I added them to poetry.com I think this happened around 2003 to 2005 I can’t really remember, but anyway, I forgot some of those poems and I tried to access the website to find that they went under new management in the past couple of years and so deleted many poems that were once there and filed them away. This site claims you can get access to your poems easily, but I haven’t the foggiest how to do it.
So, I am a little upset about that.
Well in any case, I remember one off by heart and here it is;
You locked me up one day, many years ago, to become weak and to grow old
You never thought I could be free, you really thought you owned me
I’ve proved you wrong and I am right
You’ll not get me without a fight
For I am dead now, thanks to you
Free as a bird