Silence is no longer for me
I will talk and I will say the truth
I will tell people all about you
Whether you like it or not, about my youth
You can’t always hide from facts
You can’t always lie
One day it will catch you up
Like a spider to a fly
One day you will get slower in mind
One day you will slip up
One day people will hear the truth
Because one day you will fuck up
And I won’t be there when this happens to you
I abandoned you long ago
So be careful of the seeds you sow because you will never know
Which path they will take you, fast or slow
For the truth to be revealed
Nothing is impossible it is merely impassable for the time being
Obstacles are overcome, no matter what they are; you just need patience a positive mind and time
If you learn to think differently, eventually whatever you want will be thine
You have to change your mind, your ways, and your energy for if you don’t, you will be stuck in the same place you have created for yourself long ago
You don’t want this anymore do you? You want it all to go?
It is easier than you think, that is the problem, what you think is the current enigma of your supposed defeat
You can free yourself and the way is easy if you learn to try, try and think and believe those thoughts to be true and you will realise
You had the power to be there all the time.
Woke up today feeling really ill, yes the flu season is upon us but it hit me earlier than I expected, anyway, I forced myself, literally forced myself to write for NaNoWriMo and 750words.com today, the internet has been tetchy off and on today where I thought for a long time that I won’t be able to add any updates to any website too, so I really did feel the fates were against me today, but I pushed through willy nilly and I managed to do both my 750words and 2191 words towards NaNoWriMo – take that, negative vibes!
According to the NaNoWriMo website, if I continue to write as much as I am doing, I should be finished by the 21st November, now how’s that?
Hope things don’t get worse!
As the midnight hour approaches
All the evil things encroaches
On all the living and the dozy
As they sleep in bed all nice and cosy
Weaving magic above their heads
Some will wake in the morning
Some will not
Some will awaken before then, in shock!
As nightmares are woven above their heads
Spinning yarns of fate on fine threads
No one knows what waits for them
In the morning, an evil fate or a shining gem
It is always a new dawning
And the fates never give a warning
I am wandering and lonely in the corridors of my mind
Heart broken into pieces, you drink my tears like wine
I suffer with your lack of patience
I am cursed with your temper too
My heart is bleeding for release
My mind is like a balloon
Will it pop under your incessant pressure?
Will it bang in its cocoon?
Is my destiny to be rescued?
Or is it to become a loon?
I don’t dare to choose my own path
I don’t dare to release myself
But how can I live with such evil?
How can I defend myself?
Only time will hear me
Will it act and save the day?
Will I be rescued swiftly?
Or doomed to fade away?
I am worried for my questions
I am scared of the future too
I don’t know what will happen to me
But I hope it happens soon
I remain in this tight spot
Until fate has turned the key
To lock me into madness
Or to release me till I am free
I don’t dare to judge what will happen
A clue of my future there is none
I just hope it happens swiftly
Release me from my mum
This was written on Good Friday 2017, 4yrs after I broke away from my mother. But, these are the thoughts that used to come to me when I lived with her. I always felt this desperate, especially as nobody ever believed me when I asked them to help me with her. Not many people believe what I say about her, but it is all true, no matter what they say.
I have no reason to lie and what hurts me the most is the fact that my own mother will sit back and tell me that those memories I share with people, good or bad memories, are false, she tried to convince me that I don’t know my own mind.
Such is the manipulation of someone who is abusive; they can manipulate even the minds of those of who believe them to be good people. They can wear any mask for any occasion they want, so if anyone in your life tries to tell you something negative about a person you respect, don’t shun it please, you never know anyone 100%.
Plain and pure
White not black
Light not dark
Life is stark
I cannot wait
For this endless fate
To trip away
Or fade and flay
I cannot keep it this way
I am mortal and I say nay
To pain, to suffering, to hunger and fear
I cannot just tolerate and sit here
I am more than just flesh and blood
For so many years this life I’ve trudged
I cannot wander anymore
I cannot wait to see what’s in store
I need to go
Out of this world
I need release
I need the dream-world
copyright Tina Cousins FantasyFed 2016
The cloud rises, twists and twirls around the forbidden mortal world
Hues of blue and grey and white forbids the passage to their sight
Unseen we are the hidden ones, forbidden to enter, forbidden to come
No one knows we are here, their cries of sadness we often hear
Forbidden to answer their prayers and cries
Forbidden to help them, unless they die
We cannot go to take their pain, we can only watch and hear in vain
We cannot cross through their gate
We can only watch their terrible fate
We are the gods they pray will come
But it’s not our world, it is not our sun
We cannot control what goes on there
Only guide them to the heavenly stair
We are forbidden to touch and be, where the mortals live and breath
We are the watchers of their endless plight
The protectors of eternal light
We are your warriors we are your knights
We tuck you into dreamtime at night
We are not evil, we are not cruel
It is not our place to rule mortals
We aren’t heartless, we aren’t depraved
We are there and ready to save
You are mortals and we are not
We are the ones that you’ve forgot
We are tender and we are true
And we’ll always be there for you
But we cannot enter through the mortal gate
We can only watch your fate
And lend a hand to the path of death
At the time of your last breath
So carefully we will take your hand
And take you to our immortal lands
Where life has set you free to be
Another watcher like me
Inktober Snowman – copyright Tina Cousins 2016
My Inktober snowman. I am lucky to have this posted because my village is doing some maintenance to the internet cable and the internet keeps crashing – so fate has decided to put another spanner in the works for me!
Troll Bridge by Neil Gaiman
Reading about trolls since childhood has always made me a little nervous, because of the childhood nightmares I had about bridges and what lived under them – this story was read with reluctance, but I am proud that I read it because it was a wonderful tale.
I loved the twist of why the troll existed and how it is trapped in its magical world and had literally little choice in devouring lone stray children nearby its lair and how it can be freed if he found someone willing to help him – little would be willing to help him so they usually succumbed to a terrifying fate.
I love worlds like this, where monsters aren’t really as monstrous as they seem, that they too have lived through something terrifying and aren’t what they seem. Though it is easy to sympathise with the troll in this story it is still a terrifying creature nonetheless.
Opportunity knocks on my door
Will I choose to open it, or will I ignore?
Seldom do I answer, the knock, knock, knocking calls
I am too afraid of leaving my four walls
Imprisoned in fear, there is no hope
I cannot be something now
For I did not open the doors to see what fate for me had ploughed