Tag Archives: health

Sunday Word Count 5

I have hit the wall of shame again.

The word count this week is…

4447

The above picture was taken by me and manipulated by me.  I took this image around 2yrs ago in the Summer when I went for a walk by the canal near Newbold Quarry, Warwickshire.  The daisy like flower was actually growing out of the crack in the wall just like that, sticking out of the wall about 8 inches on a single stalk.  It was strange because the whole area had just grass and dock leaves and there was no other little white flowers like this anywhere else!  

A huge slump, but then again, this week I have had a hard time with my immunity issues and other medical problems including a huge bout of unexplained depression, usually I can identify what causes the depression but for the past few days I cant.

I only wrote on three days, which were Sunday, Monday and Tuesday.

My body also hasn’t been working properly either, making me feel extra sleepy and my arms aren’t working properly for some reason.

Sorry this is a lazy post because I am so tired still.  Sorry if it looks like I really can’t be bothered, I want to be, but I just can’t think at the moment, too drowsy.

I get bouts like this that happen on and off at irregular and without a pattern times and it can last for just a day or several days, I had a bout once that lasted for nearly 4 months, doctors aren’t too helpful in trying to find out what the blazes is wrong with me.

I accidentally posted something that I had second mind to delete too, sorry about that.  I didn’t want to post it as it was a first draft and there were certain things I missed out or didn’t explain properly.  It was written on a very bad day, I get huge brain fogs and concentration problems where things come out wrong or half formed.  

Anyway, hope next week will be different.

Have fun with your writing folks!

P.S I apologise if this is at all incoherent, I am really struggling right now.  

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Sunday word count 1

I will try to remember every Sunday to post up my weekly word count towards novels and short stories I am working on. 

This past week I have added words towards one short story and three novels. This is not including writing down ideas of new stories I have planned, nor is it including research notes, blog posts, poetry or anything else – just novels and short stories.  The word count is not spectacular, but I am working on improving it.

The grand total this week is….

5679 words

Disappointing huh? 

Well here comes the excuses; this is actually a slow week for me because I haven’t done much writing this week at all in comparison to my normal writing week.  Why?

My desktop computer monitor decided to die on me for two days.

I don’t cope well with the heat, prone to heat stroke and breathing problems.

My son is off from school for the next six weeks, so my writing count is usually cut by half on school holidays.

I have been reading and researching more.

I have been learning about make-up application and have been addicted to watching Nabela Noor and Jeffree Star on YouTube, I discovered them last week.  When I gave up being Goth around 15yrs ago I never really learned how to use make up and never wore make up since and I am getting to the point I need coverage, ha-ha.

So there are the excuses, I only watch an hour of YouTube a day this past week, so it’s not stealing that much from me in regards to writing time, considering I rarely watch TV, so TV is rarely a distraction for me – I tend to watch programs whilst writing, programs that doesn’t need me to look at the screen too much such as The Proms, radio channels, or the occasional glimpse at nature documentaries such as David Attenborough or the Spring Watch team.  I lose my hearing too much at random times, so I have learned not to make my life revolve (or is it evolve?) around TV, because I often have to use subtitles and get to hear virtually nothing a lot of the time anyway.  So I have learned to be a reader/writer/researcher, unless my eyes go on me, then I am going to be OK regarding entertainment.

It is because my hearing levels are so random from one day to the next, that I can no longer keep my secretarial and classroom assistant jobs that I used to have.  Hearing loss is a big bother because I can’t do much independently regarding going to a doctor and hearing them, I need someone with me who can interpret via lip syncing to tell me what the doctor has just said, it is even worse when dealing with things on a confidential front such as banking, particularly telephone banking when online banking goes wrong – you have no idea how many companies out there do not accept a speaker on a deaf persons behalf, I am only glad I am not a deaf mute, because then I would seriously have problems.  I often have to try and talk to someone I can’t hear on a phone, hoping my husband or someone else can interpret for me as long as I give them verbal permission over the phone, my goodness, I feel for the mutes.  Especially as three years ago I had a throat infection that lead into the ears that was so bad I had laryngitis for 4 months solid, so I have experienced temporary muteness and I did have a banking problem then, that I couldn’t solve until I could speak, 6 weeks to get a fraudulent act on my online payments sorted out, because I could not voice that I gave my husband permission to handle it over the phone for me!  For 6 weeks my account was blocked because I could not verify that I gave permission, I am only thankful that my account doesn’t pay any major bills.

Well anyway, going back onto my writing I could have written a lot more if it weren’t for the interruptions, I would say as much as 16k more words and I don’t expect my word count to be beyond 10k a week whilst the school holidays are here.  I do most of my writing in the living room on a desktop computer and my son rarely leaves the room and is often loudly shouting about his robots in the robot wars arena he has made on the carpet and his robot wars videos he watched on YouTube overtakes the music I put on to get me into the mood for writing fiction.  It is easier to write poetry and research and make research notes or further synopsis’s of new stories than it is to write towards novels or short stories for competitions during the day.  Most of my writing at the holidays happens between 11pm and 1am, but Henry is suffering from some emotional issues right now which mean that my days can be very challenging and tiring by the time night falls.

When the holidays are over I write sparsely throughout the day because of my ADD and therefore I can often get 3k words done on some days.  Well anyways, the future will show and tell if I can remember about Sundays.  You will see patterns of no writing at all some weeks, because I get health problems which mean I can’t even read a book at times, such as a chest infection with a running nose, where I am busy literally every single second trying to keep myself together and alive without choking.  Sad but true, I have an immunity issue that is much better since having a radical diet change but I still get long illnesses. 

Anyway, I will update my weekly word count towards short stories and novels every Sunday. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

           

 

 

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Words and people grow like flowers in manure.

I am disgusted with myself today but my partner Paul ensures me that it isn’t my fault.  I worked out last night how much I used to write compared with how much I write these days.  Prior to 2013 I wrote an average of two million words per year, now I struggle to get fifty thousand a year.  I decided this has to change and I have to get the old me back, primarily because I am going insane with the many ideas I have floating in my head – my brain is literally about to burst with literacy.  My brain will soon be splattered all over the internet and in books, so look out world, because I think I’ve been ignited.

The question is, the last time I felt like this was in 2006 and I wrote no less than thirty articles, poems and short stories a day on one site, of course I can’t post that many here on my blog, as this will make me lose subscribers, I mean, come on – who will want thirty notifications a day?  So I am debating about spreading myself onto two other blogs, so my subscribers don’t feel so bombarded – a cunning trick, but it might be worthwhile?  Because once I am on the go, I am on the go – I used to be such a workaholic, totally addicted to writing and then for some reason, I lost it.

I believe confidence has a lot to do with the lack of writing as well as health issues – I have had chronic bronchitis off and on since Christmas!  My confidence has been bashed by two people in particular, those people are held bent on ruining my reputation by any means necessary and has vocalised how they look forward to the day I become world famous, as they will be waiting.

Well there is nothing truly sinister about me but I still worry.  Because it is the story of my life that whenever I do anything to better myself the world seems to contrive a way to embarrass me out of it and make me go back into my insular hole of hopes and dreams.

I have been chronically bullied as I have been ill, most of my life and I have the types of bullies in my life who are no longer present, but always comes back once they think I have started to grow, they treat me like a weed in an abandoned garden.  Once a year someone comes along with a mower and cuts me down again, just in case I start to become too strong.  I think this weed is going to need to use their shit as manure and grow rapidly into a man eating plant!

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Ugh, flu season earlier than expected by 2 weeks

Woke up today feeling really ill, yes the flu season is upon us but it hit me earlier than I expected, anyway, I forced myself, literally forced myself to write for NaNoWriMo and 750words.com today, the internet has been tetchy off and on today where I thought for a long time that I won’t be able to add any updates to any website too, so I really did feel the fates were against me today, but I pushed through willy nilly and I managed to do both my 750words and 2191 words towards NaNoWriMo – take that, negative vibes!

According to the NaNoWriMo website, if I continue to write as much as I am doing, I should be finished by the 21st November, now how’s that?

Hope things don’t get worse!

 

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Going deaf to your misery

 

royalty free image from pixabay

DISCLAIMER – 

The below poem is not meant to be offensive – I am personally a sensory impaired member of society, I am very short sighted with astigmatism and I am totally deaf in my right ear with only 35% hearing in my left ear and I could potentially lose that, considering I have auto-immune inner ear disease.  I have only learned to develop a sense of humour with the cards I’ve been dealt with in life, please understand.

 

Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of deaf

I shall hear no evil, but see a lot I might

Though I hear not the barks that scold me, I see the awful sight

Evidence of those who hate me are seen everywhere

And they sit back and they think that I really, really care

But yea, the mind is full of ego

And they shall think of themselves

I shall sit in wonderment, why they don’t put the hate on their shelves?

I wonder why every day, why they think of me?

When I have left them long ago, yet they still want to torture me?

Then I realise that those poor dears, they do not have a life

So that is why they taunt me, with curses and poisoned words of strife

They of course have an ego too, that you can be sure

That they sit around every day gossiping of the times of yore

Becoming old and bitter, making their friends think that they are a bore

By choosing to focus on the dead past, the past that makes them sore

And I sit back still amazed, that they have chosen to concentrate

On things about me, each and every day, because poisoned words always finds a way

To go back to the victim

You see that’s the side effects of your conviction

Gossip not and leave the friction

 

 

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Bananas and minions

Bananas are magic in more ways than you know and the minions from despicable me must be onto something, so what?  Read on to find out more…

Minions are more than just adorable little yellow beings that help Dr Gru from the movie Despicable Me in my household; they are creatures that have opened doors to getting my son eating healthily because of his little yellow friend obsession!

My little boy, Henry loves to collect minions of all types, even the purple ones.  They are funny, cute and should exist in reality to my mind and his.  But also because of their existence the minions have also assisted in healthy eating.

I am not the only parent to notice the change in their offspring in regards to eating fresh fruit.  Minion’s all-time favourite food is bananas but also they love apples too!  Since watching some minion shorts on YouTube my son has wanted to find banana recipes.  I tried to bake him banana bread, he kind of liked it but the rest of the family hated it.  Then I remembered when Henry was a small baby into being a toddler, he used to love banana sandwiches (a favourite of his grandmother’s), but then he grew out of it.  Recently though, on Henry’s quest for banana recipes I have got him back to eating banana sandwiches again, a firm favourite of his now.

Way before the minions existed however, it is strange that I used to have a weird habit of randomly saying the word “Banana” just for fun at times I couldn’t think of anything else to say… it became my little quirk for years, this started around 2001 and I kind of grew out of it in late 2008 because an ex-boyfriend of mine made me uneasy about being so free with the word “Banana”.  He was a stickler for having things in context and when I said the word “Banana” it was always out of context and he made me feel silly and immature.

Bananas have always been important to me for more reasons than just my weird little habit and loving the minions so much… they have always been part of my daily diet, on days I don’t have a banana I feel listless and lacking in physical energy compared to days I have a banana. 

My favourite milkshake of all time is banana flavour; I prefer homemade milkshakes though – especially since I have been diagnosed lactose intolerant last year.  Banana milkshake is still tasty with the lactose free milk though!  I now make my banana milkshake with Nesquick banana mix and moo free milk and lactose free ice-cream, I then mush up an over ripe banana and blitz, it’s very scrummy and far outweighs anything McDonalds could give me.

Before I got ill, I regarded myself as very sporty and active, lunch would always contain a large banana.

Bananas are all clones of each other and potentially a disease that would affect one will affect all the bananas in the world, meaning we are so close to losing bananas forever… a worrying concept for me and my son as we are more than a little obsessed with the tasty snack!  Did you know as well that a banana is actually a berry and it is a sterile mutation?

Bananas are also sacred to the Hindu God Vishnu and there are many stories about why it is so important to Hindu faith.  Along with Hinduism bananas are also sacred in Buddhism as it is the favoured plant for Buddha.

Gurus from India believe that the banana tree is a portal to the other realm, the realm of the gods and they call the tree the talking tree, because there are many tales that the Gods spoke to mortals through the tree.

The banana also assists with two chakras, the solar plexus and the sacral.

Two banana trees grown outside of a building are spiritual protectors of the residents within.  It is also believed that if you carry a banana with you when travelling the banana will protect you from harm.

It is also widely believed that if you dry a banana and rub it on a man’s body that he becomes more sexually energetic and longer lasting carnally!

Bananas are the symbols of masculinity and it isn’t hard to see why!  Bananas used in magick will help with monetary spells, spells for protection and sexual potency.

So there is more to the banana than first meets the eye!

So the next time you hear a minion shout “BANANA” there are many reasons why they are so obsessed with the wonderful yellow berry!

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Constant Pain

My head is swelling up

My ear is getting sore

My head starts to thump

Tinnitus begins to roar

I feel sick and lazy

I feel tired and in pain

This constant pressure in my ear is driving me insane

Every day is different, every day the same

I live in constant variations of suffering and pain

How’s your ailments?  People ask

How’s your breathing I want to say?

But I keep quiet and carry on

Like nothings in my way

One infection, one week

Another in a fortnight

A virus after that’s cleared up

I don’t need some psychic foresight

This is my life

Like it or not

I know you wouldn’t if you were me

Living in a useless way

In pain and suffering

Knock me out I often ask

Throttle me right now

Help me out of this rotten life

Please make a solemn vow

But no one wants to

So I live on

In pain and agony

I am not strong

I have no choice but to suffer this

Each and every day

Be brave others tell me

And I think more about the grave

I have no choice but to be brave I say

I have no choice at all

You think staying at home all day in pain is lovely, like a ball?

Oh if it were only so, but it’s not

I live in pain, my ear is hot

Burning inside, burning out

Making me dizzy, draining from my snout

I can’t have fun or laughter

I can’t have a life at all

For living in pain isn’t lovely

Try a day you fool

I would love nothing better than to do the school run and work

I don’t choose this life you scum bag, you idiot and you twerp

I know I’m angry that is true

But try living in my shoes

I try each day to keep myself sane

To keep my temper calm

But it’s hard to stick with politeness, when others show their qualms

She’s here to infect us again they say

But what I have isn’t contagious

I’ve had it all my life almost

Isn’t it outrageous?

I try to live a normal life

But it’s hard to do it each day

I don’t often go out at all

Not even for play

It is a lonely life I have

It is a sad one too

But I don’t want your sympathy

That’s the worst thing you could do

I just want the pain to stop

And my nose stop running too

I want to live a normal life

And get to know a person or two

I want to do the school run

Get a part time job at Scope

I want to do so many things

I sit and wonder and hope

That someday my life will change

I will find a good doctor

A consultant who knows what is wrong

Someone to cure me of all my ills

Somebody who really feels

For their patients and kind too

Someone who knows what to do

So I can breathe normally

So I can hear just fine

So I don’t live my life in pain anymore

And live the life that’s mine

I want to be free to live my life

Be happy without sickness and pain

I want to recover right now

Because it’s driving me insane

I sit and wish it won’t be long

Before I get to heal

Because if it goes on for much more longer

I, myself shall kill

 

 

 

 

 

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Ovipets and health update

Today has been very exciting on Ovipets.com because yesterday they bought out a new species, a bear species the ursa!
I have wanted a bear, dinosaur, crocodile and cow species for a long time. I am so glad it’s the bear.
Unlike most times when they’ve bought out new species, I was actually active on ovipets.com and not on vacation mode and not too sick to play and I actually had 800 credits to generate the new pets, finally and I was one of the first to generate the ursa, in the first 20! So I made 16 pairs, not for a project, because I don’t approve of these rule infested projects, but to have a pair of every available colour except for grey.
Because I am ill a lot, on the days where I am not too bad, I love playing ovipets.com and flight rising as well as online scrabble to pass the time away, because I am often too sick to do anything else than sit down, especially with the dizzy spells I get a lot of when infections are starting up again.
It is games that inspire me to write too, some games give me a sense of mixing up animals to create new species for stories that have never been done before – almost chimera like beings. Others have already been done, like the other day I accidentally went into the fish tab to breed my stallion – oops, but actually in Scottish mythology that exists! The Kelpie, that’s like a mermaid for horses!
Playing ovipets.com in particular has also helped me understand art and colour mixing. I am very popular with people who play ovipets, for the bright colours and rare genes. I rarely sell anything for credits because it’s hard to get your money back once you’ve bought credits. So really, Ovipets is just a hobby for me. I am very generous, but in regards to these new species that come out once in a while, I am not that generous. I don’t randomly give up new species to an unpaid just to be nice. I generate lots and lots of the new species to breed, so in a few days’ time I can then give them out to the AC (Adoption Centre) for the unpaid.
Unlike some members of ovipets too, I don’t ditch the so-called mud coloured pets, because to me, I can work with them, did you know that when you choose the right colours to breed with, you can make a brown pets offspring, orange or even pink? Be more adventurous and don’t ditch the muds and find out for yourselves!
Talking of mud, I am a little disconcerted with the egg of the bear in this game – it’s a beehive shape and when you have black and red it looks bad enough, but two various shades of brown to get that stereotypical grizzly look, looks like something you find on the street by a lazy dog walker!
I mass breed on ovipets.com and I can breed over 300 pets on an average day. My main chosen species are, Equus, Lepus, Lotor, and piscium. I no longer breed Cebidae or Cetacean, because I simply don’t like them on this game. There is nothing against monkeys and sea animals in real life however.
Because I breed a lot, Paul helps me feed the pets whilst we talk in the evenings. He can be there for two hours just clicking feed for me, primarily because our internet is slow lately. But, whereas he would like to do this every day to cut down time, he can only do this really every 3 to 4 days.
He encourages me to breed whatever I want and how much I want, because he sees that lately, it’s the only thing that really perks me up, when they hatch and they are beautiful it makes me happy. Something that is rare lately.
I used to be a very positive and happy person, but four years of constant pain gets to you and wears you down. I didn’t realise that I had a cholesteatoma in both ears until our last consultant discussion; I could be heading towards surgery very soon, though how soon I don’t know. I had a mastoidectomy when I was 17, I can’t have it again in the right ear and because it was completely removed, apparently that’s almost an unheard of practise.
If I end up having the same operation on the left side, I will be unable to bend over and properly care for myself for up to two years, I remember from last time. I have no idea how Paul will cope around the house then, because I will be unable to do the smallest of things for the first year in particular.
I know a lot of people say they’ve had this surgery and I’ve exaggerated, but my consultant has told me that my condition for some unknown reason is the worst his seen in his 30yr career. This new consultant is amazed that I’ve had a total mastoid removal and isn’t too happy to allow that to happen again. He wants to give me a bone-anchored hearing aid and sew the ears up to prevent infections, but personally I don’t see how that’s going to help.
He is also confused about why my mum never allowed me to have my adenoids removed when I had my tonsils out aged 5. I am not too thrilled when he told me that he will remove the cholesteatoma and adenoids at the same time if surgery becomes the option. Which he did hint will more than likely be the case, I won’t know until approximately 8 weeks from now.
Anyway, I hope that I won’t have a bad recovery like I did before, whatever happens.
Since I went back to ovipets last month, I’ve neglected my flight rising a bit. I am finding flight rising boring lately.

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Flu frustrations

On Sunday night I became very ill again, I went down with something flu like this time and I had a temperature with shivers so bad it felt like my whole body was going into a seizure and cramp all at once.
I think it’s typical because this thing always happens within a week of a new fitness and diet regime; I am beginning to wonder if I am allergic to healthy living!
This has pissed me off, as I was expecting from Monday to go to the ENT clinic (which couldn’t happen as I couldn’t get out of bed because of the shivery shakes and temperature) and I had hoped that by 5pm I would have been home and eating dinner and then starting my new horror novel that’s finally written down in excellent bullet points, that I am excited about.
I really am excited about that novel idea. I wish I could share it with you all, but unfortunately I won’t until it’s absolutely finished and then I will approach an agent or a publisher with it.
This story has been haunting me for weeks, literally, so much so in fact that I think I have often heard it threatening to send me insane if I don’t start writing it soon!

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750words.com & updates

750words.com is a highly recommended website for anyone who wants to get into the habit of writing and who might have or might not have read the book “The Artist Way” by Julia Cameron.
I found this site through twitter yesterday and so far I’ve written two entries. Needless to say I hope that I will write more regularly with the sites help, but we all know what a huge procrastinator I’ve become. I am not even reading as much lately, why? Illness makes me want to do mind-numbing things to help me cope with pain, I play very boring, and tedious games to keep me occupied and this has took up a lot of my time for creative pursuits. On the up however, I have discovered that my illnesses can be linked to childhood medical neglect by my mother, because she had a stand up argument with my ENT surgeon when I was 5yrs old about me not having my adenoids removed when I was having my tonsils out; her motive for that? Nobody knows, but I had a CT scan last month and got the results Friday evening and that claims I have unusually large adenoids, so I will be having surgery before Easter to deal with it. The doctors reckon that I won’t be ill as often as I have been all my life once the adenoids are gone; in fact it is the adenoids that have caused the damage to my ears by causing blockages. It is also a factor in my breathing troubles for the last 3yrs.
If this does seem to be the BIG thing that’s made my immune system very weak for the last 28yrs then I am very excited to go through surgery, because that means I can finally have a normal life.
I’ve been living with ear-ache, rhinitis, severe migraines and sinus headaches for so long; I have literally forgotten what health and no-pain feels like. I have been suicidal for the last two years in particular because the condition had got so much worse for me and I was literally thinking about an easy way out of all the pain I go through.
I am ecstatic that I can be there for my son’s future and that we can have a normal family life soon, without mummy being bed and housebound because she’s always ill.
So 750words.com go there, write 750 words a day, see what words you overuse and enjoy yourself. Hopefully I will have more regular postings, but until the operation who knows when that next post will be?
The games occupying me lately have been…
Ovipets.com (not entirely brain-numbing or boring, but certainly time consuming and social)
Pirates; tides of fortune – was fun, but makes everyone’s computers lag and is a money pit, meaning that when you spend your money on the game, you lose half the things you buy when you are raided or go on special brethren missions. I lasted this game for 10 days, but I am not going to bother to play anymore because that is time consuming, slow and personally far too expensive!
DeviantArt.com – OK not a game, but time consuming anyway because I browse the pictures and imagine scenes there, which I should really turn into stories!
Pinterest – similar to DeviantArt for me
And various Gothic, horror and fantasy groups on facebook!
Not to mention “The Rugby World Cup”.

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