Tag Archives: insanity

Be silent, be silent

 

Be silent, be silent you drive me mad

Says my enemies to me in their mind that’s bad

Be quiet, be quiet they shout and plea

In their minds every day, directed at me

Yet I still talk, I still move on

I still continue because I grow strong

I won’t quit and I won’t stop

Not until their minds go POP!

Until they realise it isn’t me

It is their selves the silly things

They focused on me so much they ache

And so a spell they do create

Against me, their obsession and they can’t see

That the one who tortures them isn’t me

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Filed under Poems A - C, Short Story Series

Stop trying to synchronise with me

Stop trying to synchronise with me, because if you do I will always change my vibration

I will leave you without a clue

I turn and twist in impossible ways, impassable ways, it’s true

It’s true

I don’t want to synchronise with you

I want to find my own truth

Stop following me, my path won’t make you happy

You’re not like me

You’re not resilient enough, you’re not passionate enough

You mope too much, to be me

You won’t survive being me

So set yourself free

Be yourself, not me

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Filed under Poems S - U

I’m not your therapy

Yes I am insane, insane because lots of people have bashed my brains

They tried to mould me to be like them, to control me and hold the reins

I don’t take it any more, this is why I rant

I know the fantasy in this blog is becoming more and more scant

But I need to release this strain of mine

Because my brain I need to find

I need to release it to the wind

I need to be free and untinned

I need to go my own way, not lean upon vagrant strays

I can’t stand upon my own two feet, when I am tying knots with those who deceit

I can’t be me when I am trying to be, something YOU expect of me

I’m not what you want, you see

I am not here for your therapy

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Filed under Poems G - I

A freedom not suicide poem

You deny me of health

You deny me of wealth

You deny me of friendship and love and games

You deny me of faith, you deny me of hope

You deny me of living and you drive me insane

That’s why I left you

That’s why I am gone

That’s why you won’t see me from hereon

That’s why I rant and that’s why I rave

You denied me of life, the things that I craved

So now I have gone, I will piece things together

I will find my hope, faith, love and more

I will carry on, night and day

And I don’t care if your heart is so sore

For I am through with living for you and I live for you no more!

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Filed under Poems A - C

17th October 2016 – wanderings

Grey stone lay beneath my feet.  My feet are cold and bare as the fog gently surrounds me in the frosty night.  I look on in the patchy darkness, but my vision is obscured by the fog more and more.  I settle myself down upon a rock by the big oak tree and I ponder life and my existence. 

I miss you more and more. 

Your death has made me hollow and changed me in a way that I don’t understand.  People think that I am strange; I certainly have developed strange habits.  I don’t take mourning you easily.

People tell me that as time goes by the loss of you will hurt less, or at least I’d learn to cope.  But at the moment all I can think of is that it was only last week I saw you last, each day that goes on is more and more torture for me to bear, I can’t imagine not seeing you for a month, a year, a decade, half a century or however long I shall live.

Perhaps my new found madness shall kill me?  If not that then the cold will.

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Filed under Wandering In My Mind

Flu frustrations

On Sunday night I became very ill again, I went down with something flu like this time and I had a temperature with shivers so bad it felt like my whole body was going into a seizure and cramp all at once.
I think it’s typical because this thing always happens within a week of a new fitness and diet regime; I am beginning to wonder if I am allergic to healthy living!
This has pissed me off, as I was expecting from Monday to go to the ENT clinic (which couldn’t happen as I couldn’t get out of bed because of the shivery shakes and temperature) and I had hoped that by 5pm I would have been home and eating dinner and then starting my new horror novel that’s finally written down in excellent bullet points, that I am excited about.
I really am excited about that novel idea. I wish I could share it with you all, but unfortunately I won’t until it’s absolutely finished and then I will approach an agent or a publisher with it.
This story has been haunting me for weeks, literally, so much so in fact that I think I have often heard it threatening to send me insane if I don’t start writing it soon!

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Filed under About my work

Iced Podium

 

I’m freezing in the cold damp grey winter morning
The chilled wind wraps around me like an inescapable cocoon
Will I freeze to death soon?
I’ve lost my mind and I still stand
On the cold wet floor of the prairie lands
I can’t move, I can’t talk
All I do is stand or walk
Lost in the frozen land
I’ve lost my mind
For I’ve lost my hand
How heartbreak makes us numb
I stand dying on an iced podium

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Filed under Poems G - I

Horror and mental illness

One or two of my poems have been considered to be short stories in my mind by me, I thought this was enough – however my husband and a friend of mine mentioned to me yesterday that some of my poems are moreish and therefore they feel that I should work on making them into a larger story preferably novel sized piece.

My husband is quite persistent about two of the poems I’ve agreed would make a better larger story, therefore he is straddling me to the grindstone and making me get to work on them because I’ve been procrastinating on my leprechaun comedy for eleven years now and I am losing enthusiasm for it.

I’ve been advised by a friend too, that my fantasy work is good, but my horror is better as I seem to write more freely and graphically, which shows that this is where my genre should be. Funny enough I originally was a horror writer, I only entered the realms of fantasy within the last decade in order to get a wider audience and I was mistaken with the idea that I would be more free to do my own thing – in horror you can do that, in most other genres there does seem to be a general protocol.

I tend to read fantasy and horror but usually horror prevails as a reading choice for me, so therefore I know that I am more experienced with horror; I also have a sadistic, black sense of humour and a lust for shocking people; which I guess makes the genre perfect for me.

I know a lot of people are getting tired of vampires but, they are my favoured creature. However, I do love writing about mental illness (considering I have experience there too) and so writing about the horrors of the mind comes easy for me – particularly if it is regarding cruelty and isolation.

The novel I am attempting to write whilst I put my leprechaun comedy on hold is based around the self-harming and mental illness of a young girl who lives within an asylum and how she got there and why, the book will concentrate on the horrors of the occult, social services, abuse and isolation. There is more to the story, but I am not going to give things away, there would be no fun in that now would there?

So forgive me if the blog is neglected for a while, my husband really wants this story written and I am looking at my previous work with fresher eyes and I am very enthusiastic about this one. Who knows, perhaps it will become finished enough for me to have the confidence to post it up for YouWriteOn.com?

Ciao for now.

 

 

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Filed under About my work

Life becomes a parody

When madness steps into your life, there is no escape for you

Life becomes a parody of which you are in full in tune

Nobody can understand the way you talk and move

Nobody is sure of your behaviour of which they disapprove

Complacently you play along to their supposed normalities

But whatever you do for others, it still leaves them ill at ease

To which there is no point you see, to become like them at all

For nobody in reality is very sane at all

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Filed under Poems J - L

1922 – Stephen King

Stephen King’s – 1922

A very gory short story about how money can bring about great evil in this world; the story is written with such unusual details for King in my opinion that it is an absolute gem to behold.

The story is about a man who is driven insane by the murder of his wife (he was the murderer) and how she haunted him into his own death.

The story can be found in the anthology called “Full Dark, No Stars”.

It is not the kind of story you want to read if you have a rat phobia. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

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Filed under My inspirations