Be silent, be silent you drive me mad
Says my enemies to me in their mind that’s bad
Be quiet, be quiet they shout and plea
In their minds every day, directed at me
Yet I still talk, I still move on
I still continue because I grow strong
I won’t quit and I won’t stop
Not until their minds go POP!
Until they realise it isn’t me
It is their selves the silly things
They focused on me so much they ache
And so a spell they do create
Against me, their obsession and they can’t see
That the one who tortures them isn’t me
Stop trying to synchronise with me, because if you do I will always change my vibration
I will leave you without a clue
I turn and twist in impossible ways, impassable ways, it’s true
I don’t want to synchronise with you
I want to find my own truth
Stop following me, my path won’t make you happy
You’re not like me
You’re not resilient enough, you’re not passionate enough
You mope too much, to be me
You won’t survive being me
So set yourself free
Be yourself, not me
Yes I am insane, insane because lots of people have bashed my brains
They tried to mould me to be like them, to control me and hold the reins
I don’t take it any more, this is why I rant
I know the fantasy in this blog is becoming more and more scant
But I need to release this strain of mine
Because my brain I need to find
I need to release it to the wind
I need to be free and untinned
I need to go my own way, not lean upon vagrant strays
I can’t stand upon my own two feet, when I am tying knots with those who deceit
I can’t be me when I am trying to be, something YOU expect of me
I’m not what you want, you see
I am not here for your therapy
You deny me of health
You deny me of wealth
You deny me of friendship and love and games
You deny me of faith, you deny me of hope
You deny me of living and you drive me insane
That’s why I left you
That’s why I am gone
That’s why you won’t see me from hereon
That’s why I rant and that’s why I rave
You denied me of life, the things that I craved
So now I have gone, I will piece things together
I will find my hope, faith, love and more
I will carry on, night and day
And I don’t care if your heart is so sore
For I am through with living for you and I live for you no more!
Grey stone lay beneath my feet. My feet are cold and bare as the fog gently surrounds me in the frosty night. I look on in the patchy darkness, but my vision is obscured by the fog more and more. I settle myself down upon a rock by the big oak tree and I ponder life and my existence.
I miss you more and more.
Your death has made me hollow and changed me in a way that I don’t understand. People think that I am strange; I certainly have developed strange habits. I don’t take mourning you easily.
People tell me that as time goes by the loss of you will hurt less, or at least I’d learn to cope. But at the moment all I can think of is that it was only last week I saw you last, each day that goes on is more and more torture for me to bear, I can’t imagine not seeing you for a month, a year, a decade, half a century or however long I shall live.
Perhaps my new found madness shall kill me? If not that then the cold will.
On Sunday night I became very ill again, I went down with something flu like this time and I had a temperature with shivers so bad it felt like my whole body was going into a seizure and cramp all at once.
I think it’s typical because this thing always happens within a week of a new fitness and diet regime; I am beginning to wonder if I am allergic to healthy living!
This has pissed me off, as I was expecting from Monday to go to the ENT clinic (which couldn’t happen as I couldn’t get out of bed because of the shivery shakes and temperature) and I had hoped that by 5pm I would have been home and eating dinner and then starting my new horror novel that’s finally written down in excellent bullet points, that I am excited about.
I really am excited about that novel idea. I wish I could share it with you all, but unfortunately I won’t until it’s absolutely finished and then I will approach an agent or a publisher with it.
This story has been haunting me for weeks, literally, so much so in fact that I think I have often heard it threatening to send me insane if I don’t start writing it soon!
When madness steps into your life, there is no escape for you
Life becomes a parody of which you are in full in tune
Nobody can understand the way you talk and move
Nobody is sure of your behaviour of which they disapprove
Complacently you play along to their supposed normalities
But whatever you do for others, it still leaves them ill at ease
To which there is no point you see, to become like them at all
For nobody in reality is very sane at all
Stephen King’s – 1922
A very gory short story about how money can bring about great evil in this world; the story is written with such unusual details for King in my opinion that it is an absolute gem to behold.
The story is about a man who is driven insane by the murder of his wife (he was the murderer) and how she haunted him into his own death.
The story can be found in the anthology called “Full Dark, No Stars”.
It is not the kind of story you want to read if you have a rat phobia. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!