Tag Archives: mental health

Going deaf to your misery

 

royalty free image from pixabay

DISCLAIMER – 

The below poem is not meant to be offensive – I am personally a sensory impaired member of society, I am very short sighted with astigmatism and I am totally deaf in my right ear with only 35% hearing in my left ear and I could potentially lose that, considering I have auto-immune inner ear disease.  I have only learned to develop a sense of humour with the cards I’ve been dealt with in life, please understand.

 

Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of deaf

I shall hear no evil, but see a lot I might

Though I hear not the barks that scold me, I see the awful sight

Evidence of those who hate me are seen everywhere

And they sit back and they think that I really, really care

But yea, the mind is full of ego

And they shall think of themselves

I shall sit in wonderment, why they don’t put the hate on their shelves?

I wonder why every day, why they think of me?

When I have left them long ago, yet they still want to torture me?

Then I realise that those poor dears, they do not have a life

So that is why they taunt me, with curses and poisoned words of strife

They of course have an ego too, that you can be sure

That they sit around every day gossiping of the times of yore

Becoming old and bitter, making their friends think that they are a bore

By choosing to focus on the dead past, the past that makes them sore

And I sit back still amazed, that they have chosen to concentrate

On things about me, each and every day, because poisoned words always finds a way

To go back to the victim

You see that’s the side effects of your conviction

Gossip not and leave the friction

 

 

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Filed under Poems G - I

Fair-Weather Friend

You call me a fair-weather friend, that’s not true

I am here for you

Though times are hard for me too, I don’t like being blue

So often I seem cold to you, but I am always there for you

I don’t always say warm words, I tell home truths too much

I try to bring humour in and it makes me seem out of touch

I sit and listen to your woes and I sit and listen quietly

It doesn’t mean that my “Oks” make me take your problems lightly

I can’t let your problems become mine; I can’t get too involved

I don’t have the energy or the time, especially when your problems are old

I tell you time again, how you can mend your pains

But you just carry on your path and it often drives me insane

So when I don’t call or say too much, think about my life too

Think about how I sit and listen and that I am there for you

How I try not to talk about my own anger and pains

How I listen dutifully when your cries are always the same

How I hear the same thing over and over again

And I’ve not yet gone completely away

Is it fair then to say…

You’re a fair-weathered friend?

Well, Okay!

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Filed under Poems D - F

Life is sometimes…

My life, sore as it may be, is still a blessing to me

There are things I don’t often see, happy things, miracles and a certain ease

I try not to be blind for the things I have

I try not to be ungrateful

I know that life could be much worse, it is sometimes inescapable

But I count my blessings as often as I can

So I can make a stand and say

It isn’t always this way

There are happy days and there are sad

There are good days and there are bad

But one thing that we can always be sure of

Is that life is changeable and we all know this – sort of

So when times are hard and difficult – remember it will also change

That life will lighten up and the suffering will ease and good times you will gain

But remember too that goodness, will also fade away

Be prepared for the bad times, as they sometimes come to play

But live for the moment is the most important of all

Something you don’t learn at school

So when you’re down and thinking silly things

Remember this message and let your heart sing

That times won’t always be bright and gay, but times aren’t always shades of grey

You will someday, find your peace, be happy again and pain will cease

Trust me, all things eventually decrease

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Filed under Poems J - L

Be silent, be silent

 

Be silent, be silent you drive me mad

Says my enemies to me in their mind that’s bad

Be quiet, be quiet they shout and plea

In their minds every day, directed at me

Yet I still talk, I still move on

I still continue because I grow strong

I won’t quit and I won’t stop

Not until their minds go POP!

Until they realise it isn’t me

It is their selves the silly things

They focused on me so much they ache

And so a spell they do create

Against me, their obsession and they can’t see

That the one who tortures them isn’t me

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Filed under Poems A - C, Short Story Series

I’m not your therapy

Yes I am insane, insane because lots of people have bashed my brains

They tried to mould me to be like them, to control me and hold the reins

I don’t take it any more, this is why I rant

I know the fantasy in this blog is becoming more and more scant

But I need to release this strain of mine

Because my brain I need to find

I need to release it to the wind

I need to be free and untinned

I need to go my own way, not lean upon vagrant strays

I can’t stand upon my own two feet, when I am tying knots with those who deceit

I can’t be me when I am trying to be, something YOU expect of me

I’m not what you want, you see

I am not here for your therapy

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Filed under Poems G - I

Catalyst to my pain

There is a catalyst to my pain

A thing that makes me closer to insane

A habit that you have within you

Is gnawing away at my soul

I don’t want it to continue

Though you say you don’t know what you do

I know that you do… its true

I can’t explain how it makes me feel

I just know, what you do makes me ill

You say or do the simplest things, which in turn

Makes my suffering sing

I don’t enjoy this world of pain

I don’t want you to repeat this again and again

But you don’t know what you do

So I can’t really blame you

Though I do

You are ignorant, that much is true

You are the catalyst of my pain

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Filed under Poems A - C

I am the redeemer

Out from the corner of my eye, I see the world’s pain.

Just because I do not react, does not mean that I am not sane

I remain, neutral, in my neutral stance

I cannot bear to see you suffer, but I cannot stop your circumstance

Though you may fall and become weak and you may do crazy things

I am here to redeem your soul and hear you once again sing

Though you are desperate and cannot walk

I am here for you

I am waiting for your cue

I am here to redeem you

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Filed under Poems G - I

I really, really need you

I know you are somewhere in this world

I need you, to come and find me

Come and take me home

I really, really need you

This world is destroying everything about me

Every tiny fibre that is me

I really, really need you

Please come soon baby

I want you, to be with me soon

Quite soon

Oh, oh, I am going mad without you

Oh, oh, I am going mad without you

I need you to take me home.

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Filed under Poems G - I

I feel alone & broken

I feel alone, though there is someone like me

Others like me

I feel alone

I can’t carry burdens

I won’t carry burdens

I have my own burdens

I have my own

I feel broken

I feel alone

And broken

And I need to find an escape route

A place to feel at home

I need to find happiness

I need to get away

I need to find happiness

I need a better place

I feel alone, though there is someone like me

Others like me

I feel alone

I can’t carry burdens

I won’t carry burdens

I have my own burdens

I have my own

I feel broken

I feel alone

And broken

And it’s not your fault…

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Filed under Poems G - I

curious mind of a growing author

Now, I am not in a frame of mind where I want to leave anyone right now – I am not depressed, I am not suicidal today, I am not hinting at any discomforts emotionally at all; yet despite this, today has been a day where poetically, I cannot help but write about relationships ending, leaving a former life etc. and this is just a fluke… or is it? Am I going through some kind of subconscious rebirth? Is this the start of a midlife crisis? I haven’t a clue, but currently I think I am very happy with the people who are in my life.
A lot of my poems are based on my past, particularly my childhood. But the ones I have written today are largely focusing on sexual relationships that are coming to a close, yet I am not in this situation – though I have been once. But the words in the poems would have been different surely? As I never left them, they didn’t leave me for the reasons I wrote about today, so where these poems came from is a mystery to me.
Another thing is I have written two poems today and both of those poems have a particular sentence in common “It’s not that I don’t love you”, now, I have had this said to me on many occasions before, when I was about to be dumped – the excuses that came after were varied.
Sometimes a writer can be in a frame of mind to write about something they have never experienced and usually I have been told that this is wrong – you should always write about what you know in order to sound authentic. So let me know if you think it sounds authentic enough for a person who has never experienced what I wrote about in the two poems I will post later in the week called “It’s not that I don’t love you” and “It’s not that I don’t love you 2”.
Thank you for reading

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Filed under About my work, My life