Tag Archives: neglect

Lies, truth and love

Locked in cold stone walls
Shut away and forgotten
Forbidden to live a life
By those who are mean and rotten
Lied about by your torturer
Hissed at by their friends
A mystery to others
Yet no one helps you mend
People accuse you of being the trouble
People accuse you of being bad
Yet nobody knows that the woman they love
Is evil and nasty and mad
Some have seen the truth, a glimpse
But unsure, they look on
And eventually I run away again
And hope that I can belong
But away I went and then there was more
Trouble and lies and hate
But the people who witness the things going on
Think it is I who has caused this fate
They won’t be told that someone they like
Have two sides to their personality
Instead they decide to add to my torment
Thinking they are defending their mother, naturally
But they don’t remember I am not the only one
She has kept in the dark and cold
I am one of three and she hates two
But the oldest one, he never knew
He won’t accept the truth
My father is lovely and it pains me to say
I might never get to see him again
Because she rules him, and he won’t come
To visit me and his grandson
Because she lies to all around, that she gives him a choice to come around
But she doesn’t you see, the truth is this
She would rant and she would spit
If he came knocking at my door
So until she dies, I’ll see him no more

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Filed under Poems J - L

I accept I am forgotten

One cloak to cover the world in night time, one solitary power

That creates all creatures, every plant and every flower

Every wish is his command, every thought and prayer

He loves all his creations, with his heart so full of care

Should we question his existence?

Do we notice his answers?

Can we see around us, the little things that dance in the basking rays of light?

Or are our minds clouded by the cloak of the night?

Some people will say it’s so, to those who don’t believe

But I have felt ignored like a forgotten flowers seed

I don’t know if he exists, his benevolence to me unknown

Sometimes I sit back and think religion I’ve outgrown

I have felt forsaken, by this elusive God

I have never known him; to me he’s just a sod

I feel he’s egotistical gaining praises every day

Sitting smugly on his throne whilst we just fade away

I don’t feel his warmth and love, yet begged for it often

All i needed to reign me in was a little bit of action

A little help here and there to get me away from abuse

But instead I grew to learn that his a god of no use

I’m sorry to offend you, those who do believe

But I have been neglected and that is why I grieve

I cannot show respect for a god who doesn’t care

I can only hate religion because in my life he wasn’t there

So is it my fault if it’s true, that I will go to Hell?

For since I was born I’ve felt from him dispelled.

Oh how preciously you hold him

High in great esteem

Whilst I sit and wait

To wake from this horrid dream

Called life

That ironically rhymes with strife

And that’s my existence too

Filled with violence that’s my review

I cannot surrender to more abuse

So I leave god be

And if he is truly kind

He’ll remember me and see

That when judgment day comes around

I will not go to hell

Because I don’t deserve it

Just release me from his care

And allow me to say farewell

As I become a free spirit

And leave the nightmare

I will wonder the heavens, searching for some love

Hoping to find protection and the peace loving dove

Though I’m not sure where it’ll be

And independence I will want

Away from godly and demonic taunts

Yes, lonely I will be, in the endless universal sea

But I will cope as I’ve always known it

Yes, I will not submit

No longer do I wait

I accept my fate

Truly

Unduly

I

Do

 

 

 

 

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Filed under Poems G - I

taboos, cliche and offense

I’ve known some people who reckon they’ve got some very good ideas for a book, but, they’re afraid of offending someone with what seems to be socially taboo subjects.  These subjects range from, religion bashing, racism, a sexual orientation the author personally doesn’t have; a cliche idea of a group of people and even in some cases they’re afraid of the dialogue being wrong, not to mention class discrimination, bullying and abuse.  If that’s the main theme of your story, then why be afraid of the response?  You cannot please everybody all of the time, you are bound to offend somebody with something you may not have even thought of.

I have read books where if I read more than ten swear words before the second chapter I hang the book up if the character isn’t known for some kind of aggression earlier on.  That offends me, to the majority of the public it seems, they aren’t bothered by this kind of writing, but I am.

I have read books where they’ve done mindless violence to an animal that serves no purpose to the book, I sometimes reluctantly read on, but I am offended nonetheless.  I understand some people are offended of hunting, although I hate animal violence; I am not opposing hunting if it is for food and food only!

Some people seem to think abuse and neglect autobiographies should be removed from the shelves, I personally don’t.  For me, it helps me to overcome the abuse I experienced as a child, in some ways it can also help me get into the mind of my abusers.  It also helps me to respect the welfare more, I used to feel they’ve failed me, they had in a way, but it wasn’t entirely their fault, they tried their hardest for me, but they couldn’t gather enough evidence to pull me from that situation.  When I ask the people opposing these books why they’re against them, they believe that it might give abusers ideas of what to do to the children they’re in contact with, it could help them cover things up more by learning things from the abused child’s perspectives.  This is a serious concern, but I truly believe it helps victims more than it creates more predators.

From what I know of my abusers and from those I’ve read about, abuse comes spontaneously and compulsively, almost without plan, abusers seem to be opportunists rather than planners.

People who neglect do tend to plan on neglecting the child sometimes, or may have mental health problems where they didn’t realize or mean to neglect their child, in my case, my mother was too busy to actually sit back and think “Oh my God, my daughter is genuinely sick, got to take her to the doctors”, my mother was a career woman who truly believed that everybody was trying to hold her back and that I was hungry for attention and needed to be stamped on so I don’t get in her way, so she did medically neglect me to the extent I lost all the hearing in my right ear and needed emergency surgery to prevent an infection going into the brain, it was eating its way through the bone.  There were other medical problem she chose to ignore, for example, losing her temper and picking me up wrong and dropping me head first onto a concrete floor, a huge lump appeared on my head and I complained of not seeing properly and being dizzy and vomiting, she ignored me as making a scene to embarrass her in front of a friend and sent me to bed, for weeks I could barely see until a teacher became frustrated that I wasn’t understanding anything in class and seemed to have severely gone backwards since the previous term, drastically so and felt maybe I needed my eyes tested.  It turned out, I needed very strong glasses, I blame the accident on it, I was fine before and the reason why it took so long to pick up?  My mother wouldn’t let me go back to school until the bump had completely gone, claiming I caught a nasty virus and I had to look after myself at home all day whilst she and dad worked, this was before the welfare got called in.

This aside, all in all, there is a big difference between abuse and neglect, which isn’t widely known.  I was unlucky enough to be the victim of both but I won’t add much more detail than that here I have another blog which I will be started up soon, as a type of therapy for me and I’ll update you on that site another day.

So are these books wrong?  Are they right?  I can’t say, but for me they help me, for others it might be detrimental, but who are we to judge?

Salman Rushdie is considered a living legend in literature, yet his books sparked him to become the victim of a fatwa.  Yet he didn’t mean to bring about a negative response to what he hoped would be viewed as a book of comedy.  Some people just don’t have a sense of humor when it comes to their religion, but we can’t help that.  I we cannot control people; we cannot control whether they like our writing or not, so why sit back and worry?  Yes, OK, you could become the next literary victim of a fatwa or you could be murdered by a reader who hates you, you can’t sit back wondering what if, should I, shan’t I, because you’ll go crazy.  Just write and leave the criticism to the readers, you will be criticized a lot, but you will also be praised a lot too, you can’t tell which way the table will turn.

If you’re book has your characters having lesbian sex between two aliens whilst laughing their heads off at all our worlds religion and leaders and cultures and you individually pick out some examples to put in your book, you will offend a lot of people from those categories, but will that make it a bad book?  No, it will still be humorous, to those outside of the categories or those within who actually have a sense of humor.  So write it!

More later…

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Filed under Essays