Trials and tribulations
I have this stipulation
If you don’t trust someone then you never will
I have this situation and an indication
That you will do me ill
So why should I stick around?
You’re trying to fool me, like some stupid clown
It’s not going to work
Go away you jerk!
Why do you always lurk?
You’re a stalker, that’s why I smirk
I can’t be with you
Did you hear me?
Go away – find someone else who’ll play
Why don’t you just fade away into an early grave?
Witches don’t like so called tough bitches that can’t walk the walk
Bitches that won’t stop the talk
Why don’t you stop your squawk?
Yes I’m talking to you bitch!
Tag Archives: poetry
Trials and tribulations
As the witches cast their spells under moonlight igniting Hell
As the bones of the ancients tremble awake
There are signs in you – of a grave mistake
You’ve crossed someone as old as sin
And now your suffering will start to spin
You won’t know when it will strike
But when it does, it does with a bite
And you will falter under this spell
As wicked things, drag you to Hell
Be silent, be silent you drive me mad
Says my enemies to me in their mind that’s bad
Be quiet, be quiet they shout and plea
In their minds every day, directed at me
Yet I still talk, I still move on
I still continue because I grow strong
I won’t quit and I won’t stop
Not until their minds go POP!
Until they realise it isn’t me
It is their selves the silly things
They focused on me so much they ache
And so a spell they do create
Against me, their obsession and they can’t see
That the one who tortures them isn’t me
If you can’t cope with life and you enter my life, you will sail in troubled waters
If you can’t swim you’ll sink, perhaps our relationship you should rethink?
I am not going to be easy, when I’ve had a hard life
You’ve got to walk with me, or turn away to your light
I have bright days, good days too, I have than more often than you have a clue
I know I suffer and I shout it loud, but I have overcome things and for that I am proud
I am not disillusioned, I am not speaking lies, I have worked hard to live and to thrive
So when I don’t handle your bullshit, think why should I? Then you should quit, because if the load is too heavy for you, then you don’t have the right to make me carry it too
I have my own baggage, I don’t want yours
I want a new life, with golden calm warm shores
I don’t want to dig another person’s grave; I don’t want to be your emotional slave
I want a life where things go smooth, where life is lived, not thought through
I want a life where action is key, a life where I am happy and ultimately free
So don’t bring me down because you can’t cope, because you think you know me when in fact you don’t
So don’t sit there and whine and moan, when I am out working things out and leaving you alone
I don’t wallow for long my friend, I work it out, I learn how to mend
So should you
You really should
Because living this way, is very good
Don’t offload your baggage to others if you want to be happy, if you want to live happily, change this habit snappily
It’s in your hands, not some chosen saviours, it’s in your hands and in your behaviours
So learn to ride alone in your emotional rides, learn it now and you will rise
So you want to be me
Do you want my pain?
Do you want my gain?
Do you want my time, my freedom and hopes?
Do you want my anger, my family, my friends, my dopes?
Do you want my disease, my energy, my life?
Do you want to follow my path even in strife?
Do you want my scars and my bills?
Do you want my kind of health and ills?
Do you want my skill?
Do you want my knowledge, my obsessions and thrills?
Do you want my tolerance?
The answer to most if you knew, would be no, no not at all you fool!
What kind of a life is that?
I say to you, I told you so, I told you, and it’s a fact.
So think twice when you copy me, when you say to others, I want to be she… because you don’t know what lies within me, you don’t know… fact.
Stop trying to synchronise with me, because if you do I will always change my vibration
I will leave you without a clue
I turn and twist in impossible ways, impassable ways, it’s true
I don’t want to synchronise with you
I want to find my own truth
Stop following me, my path won’t make you happy
You’re not like me
You’re not resilient enough, you’re not passionate enough
You mope too much, to be me
You won’t survive being me
So set yourself free
Be yourself, not me
Yes I am insane, insane because lots of people have bashed my brains
They tried to mould me to be like them, to control me and hold the reins
I don’t take it any more, this is why I rant
I know the fantasy in this blog is becoming more and more scant
But I need to release this strain of mine
Because my brain I need to find
I need to release it to the wind
I need to be free and untinned
I need to go my own way, not lean upon vagrant strays
I can’t stand upon my own two feet, when I am tying knots with those who deceit
I can’t be me when I am trying to be, something YOU expect of me
I’m not what you want, you see
I am not here for your therapy
I no longer want to be in the league of procrastinating artists and writers, things are going to change.
For the past three weeks I have been living my life on a goal based lifestyle, thanks to some very motivational videos I have found on YouTube and the book I purchased last month called “Think and grow rich” By Napolean Hill. Now I don’t fool myself for one second that art and writing is going to make me “rich” at all, don’t get me wrong – I am not just focusing on the money aspect, I am focusing on the aspect of happiness and feeling like I am achieving something, even if the rewards are purely emotional.
Obviously money would be nice, but ultimately, health and personal achievements for me, leads to a happy life and that is more important to me right now than financial gain.
I have had these talks before on my blog, the “No longer procrastinating personal prep talks” and they have always reached a point of returning back to old comfortable habits with excuses after excuses after excuses – I am sick and tired of failing myself and I watched on one of these videos last week that when you reach a point of being sick and tired of being sick and tired that’s when your life will start to change and I have reached that point in my life.
Living life day to day with goal based intentions for every day, is working out for me. On the nights I forget to give myself a goal for the next day, I notice I go back into old habits, so I am almost paranoid that the last thing I do before I go to sleep each night is to list my goals for the following day, so I don’t slip up again.
Most of my goals are simple and may seem like nothing to anybody – how much do you think you are going to achieve in a day by doing these things which in their eyes, could be procrastination anyway – but for me, it is constructive. It keeps me doing the “good habits” which make me a productive person.
My usual day to day goals are;
To write my morning pages via a site called 750words.com – this is non-negotiable, this is a must do, everyday forever.
Revising at least two pages of my old NaNoWriMo attempt from 2016, this was abandoned and forgotten in my drawers since 30th November 2016.
Writing two poems for advanced schedule posting on my blog, I am a month in advance at the moment, so the poems you are currently reading were written approximately a month before you are actually reading them.
Practise some sketches and art pieces in my sketch book, at least half a page a day.
Then there is a fifth random goal, it could be anything, such as take a walk, do something particular in the garden, bake a cake, visit someone, anything really.
This isn’t all that I do in my day, this is part of my daily goals, the idea is to get me into the habit of having something to wake up for, something to do. I lost my purpose in life by allowing sickness to dominate me, but now I am trying to take back some kind of control in my life again and so far it is working. I would never have thought about living my life in a goal based day to day way, if it wasn’t for the motivational archive on YouTube.
You deny me of health
You deny me of wealth
You deny me of friendship and love and games
You deny me of faith, you deny me of hope
You deny me of living and you drive me insane
That’s why I left you
That’s why I am gone
That’s why you won’t see me from hereon
That’s why I rant and that’s why I rave
You denied me of life, the things that I craved
So now I have gone, I will piece things together
I will find my hope, faith, love and more
I will carry on, night and day
And I don’t care if your heart is so sore
For I am through with living for you and I live for you no more!