You deny me of health
You deny me of wealth
You deny me of friendship and love and games
You deny me of faith, you deny me of hope
You deny me of living and you drive me insane
That’s why I left you
That’s why I am gone
That’s why you won’t see me from hereon
That’s why I rant and that’s why I rave
You denied me of life, the things that I craved
So now I have gone, I will piece things together
I will find my hope, faith, love and more
I will carry on, night and day
And I don’t care if your heart is so sore
For I am through with living for you and I live for you no more!
I have read somewhere in the past, that you are what you read and I believe that. The more I read the more defined my tastes have become, my skills, my genre leanings and this influences my writing and art.
With each good book I learn how I want to write and what I want to write about.
With each bad book I read, I learn how I do not want to write and what I dislike.
I do not believe that as a writer you must write things outside of your comfort zone, I believe you should be comfortable with what you are writing – although on an emotional matter, that’s quite different. You must write outside of your emotional comfort zone if you wish to write fear, pain and heartbreak effectively, unfortunately that means opening up your old wounds.
A lot of the time, I like to write about horror, trauma etc. and each time I do, I open up real and old wounds, this is why I often become quiet as a writer and have prolonged periods of not writing, whilst I emotionally recuperate.
I was once told that writers and artists generally go mad after a time and I believe it, we send ourselves mad for our art and stories because we are constantly reliving the horrors of our past for your entertainment and as a collective, we seldom are known or recognized for it.
I am not moaning about my lack of recognition as a writer and artist, because personally I think that’s my own fault. I think I am generally a lazy person and have not bothered to find myself a publisher or to advertise my work very much over the years at all. On the one occasion I did contact a publisher to see whether or not they liked an idea of mine, I was lucky enough to get a letter back within three weeks, but this terrified me, because they loved what I sent them and praised me highly for it; I never contacted them again, I was worried about becoming famous and at the time I was young and didn’t know about pseudonyms.
These days I am more prepared for whatever life throws at me because I will be totally blatant about what I can and cannot do and what I will and will not allow.
Other than twitter, my blog and magazines are there any other steps I should take to get myself known?
Please comment below.
Time to expand this blog a bit; there will be new categories and tabs for you to choose from within the next few days, they will include;
A page about my experiences with Cosmic Ordering
A rant page for me to let off steam and see if my fellow readers also suffer the fools I do
Art, my own, my friends, and those that inspire me
Alternative lifestyles, a page about witches, vampires, Goths and the BDSM community and much more
My pet’s page, where I will update about the lives of my many pets as sometimes they inspire me
Contests I’ve entered
Health update as I am often sick
Daily Pages dedicated to the work of Julia Cameron, the author of the artist way
Food and places to eat reviews
And last but not least, recipes
This blog is starting to represent morning pages more than my actual work and I am trying desperately to avoid that; I am over emotional lately, a lot of my time is taken up trying to get myself back on track, but once I’ve eliminated one problem, something else wants to take its place and that’s usually either more family problems, like a death in the family or an announcement of cancer – or anything really, anything.
There’s a lot I should be doing and procrastination shouldn’t be an option.
I have noticed my 3500 word count goal is on cue every day, but it’s most certainly not creative writing it is non-fiction essays based on my life mostly. I write an average of two and five poems a day but that’s not what I am here for, I am here to write actual stories, not just poems and rants.
I am saying that whilst writing yet another rant, I see that now. Whilst I am ranting on there’s a question coming to mind, which I will ask in a separate post.
Meanwhile, I dislike the sleaziness that is in my blog these days when it’s short stories; I don’t want to be known for sleaze, but actual solid dark fantasy that doesn’t concentrate on sexual themes.
I don’t like reading too much fiction from other people either, because it makes me clamp up and think “Oh my God, someone is already onto my great idea”, or I think that someone has used a name for a character similar to my own and I would be the one blamed for plagiarism instead of mere coincidence. Since I was ten years old I’ve had a character and a massive story in my head for vampires, yesterday I found a blog based on a character similar to my own with the same name – oddly enough, she isn’t copyright thieving off me because that story has never been announce publicly anywhere, it’s pure coincidence, so now I am going through the hard task of trying to think up a new name for a character I’ve known for almost seventeen years. Believe me, when you’ve been very familiar with your character for that length of time, the idea that its name has to change is heart wrenching.