Tag Archives: throat

Crystallaphones and plans

My plans for after Christmas are to find distance or online courses to learn how to read music and actually start becoming proficient in a musical instrument that’s not piano/keyboard based; this is because my interest in song writing and composing is becoming almost unbearable to ignore, particularly as I don’t have anyone in my life who’ll cause me stress anymore (other than a 3yr old son, but he’s sweet and easily worked around). 

I have found a new instrument that takes my interest and I hope I am lucky enough to do a part exchange with my electric guitar to get one, but I’ve heard to find one even in a music shop is rare, the instrument is… a crystallaphone, or as some people will know it as a glass xylophone; however it’s very likely that I’ll end up with a left handed electric guitar as a replacement (as I didn’t take my disability into consideration – my left hand has short tendons).

I am still heavily interested in watercolor painting and sketching, but I have put that on a back burner since I’ve been ill for the last three weeks, also the house needs organizing as I need to prepare a workspace for the art and the music I would like to take up.  I am slowly introducing myself to small chunks of work a week, roughly two hours a time, three days a week to settle into it because I am regularly ill, hence the unemployment I am in, I can’t hold a job down, not even a voluntary placement these days.  The mind and heart is willing but the body will not comply.

I need to find something that I can do from home but does not require me to use the telephone (not because I am unsocial, but because I have fluctuate hearing and regular ear infections that even an amplified phone is useless with) and despite this being the age of texting, not a lot of professionals or customers like communicating with staff via text only and most forget your hearing problems because when they talk to you face to face and you respond (because you’re an excellent lip reader) they think oh it’s not so bad.

Yes I know it’s strange that a person who has regular hearing problems wants to compose music, but there’s been others out there who have done it proficiently, so why can’t I?  I believe I am right in stating that Beethoven was stone deaf wasn’t he?  And one of the bee gees, he was like me, partially hearing, wasn’t he? And their music is great, isn’t it?

I don’t want to be a singer, I couldn’t take the commitment there because I never know when I am going to be sick and most of my sickness is based around practically all the aspects of the ear nose and throat, which doesn’t help for a singing life.  When I was younger I trained in opera but after the age of 12 I couldn’t sing it regularly enough to be considered talented in it, because I developed regular mastoid infections which needed regular operations etc. and singing became quite painful for me literally.

So with that said, I am trying my best to make myself a creative life and I hope that when things take off I find people who are sympathetic to those who have health problems and will help me work around them in a non-stressful manner.

 

 

 

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An update on my health

Well I am taking steroidal antibiotics for my ear problem for the next week and my ENT appointment has been moved forward to two weeks’ time; I am very worried that it may be another mastoiditis and may need further mastoid surgery, especially as the last one turned out I had less than half a millimeter protecting me in some parts of the skull close to the brain – hope that’s not infected again, but to me it seems likely.  This mastoid and ear problem has been with me since I was about 10yrs old, I’ve had two big operations and four investigative ones over the years on my ears alone, in total my whole life I’ve had about seven operations, one removing tonsils and the other was intensive dental work that could only be done under a general.

What worries me the most is this is affecting my neck and jaw of the same side as well and the other ear is also starting to lose its hearing, I’m already completely deaf in my right ear and they tried to fix my hearing problem with an ossiculoplasty but it failed because two of the small inner ear bones were completely destroyed by the mastoid infection years before.

It’s scary because this can bring on meningitis so I was told, brain damage, Bell’s palsy or even death, I think it is the old problem I used to have as my ear and throat is constantly burning me and my ear is leaking watery smelly liquid again, which hasn’t happened since I was 17.

So that’s an update on my life.

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sailing into the moonbeams

moonbeams 1This is a song I wrote this morning, again I can hear the music and I know how it should be sung, but when reading it on paper it doesn’t seem like it makes much sense, but as a song in my head it’s beautiful and I wish I could write music so I could have done the music to go with it and sing it – it has a very Kate Bush mixed Sarah Brightman sound to the vocals.  I can sing, when my throat isn’t suffering it’s regular viruses, hence why I don’t aspire to be a singer/songwriter, just a songwriter/composer.  Hope you enjoy it?

Look at me

I am sailing into the moonbeams ahead of a dream

I am happy, with silver showers

Guiding me to be free

The night is a friend

I know her well

She is there for me always and is true to me

I trust her

She means the world to me

She helps me set my heart released

From, from the memory of you

I wrap myself up in a milky way – blanket made of silk

I feel the coolness of the air tonight

She has given me the sight – to know

That your weren’t the one for me

So now, I live my life free

Oh woe is not in my heart anymore

I am free now

I can live happily on in my dreams

Ahh, I can see that the night is an angel

She washes me as I sleep

Taking the badness of my day away

In my bed making me sail away

Into the moonshine, into the glaze of the universes wonderful maze

Oh it is true

Look at me

I am sailing into the moonbeams ahead of a dream

I am happy, with silver showers

Guiding me to be free

The night is a friend

I know her well

She is there for me always and is true to me

I trust her

She means the world to me

She helps me set my heart released

From, from the memory of you

 

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